Nick & Jen: July 2014

1 whole year has passed since this sweet angel passed on to live with his Heavenly Father.

It seems like only yesterday that we went through this traumatic experience being left with emptiness. This past year has had its share of ups and downs. It never gets any easier and not a day passes that I don't think of this sweetheart. But it has gotten better. When I look at pictures or talk about Madden, it's not as hard. I can talk about it. At times I will still tear up, and I have those days where I just need to completely cry my heart out, but I feel those days are necessary. This little guy has left a huge impact on everyone around him. When our family/friends asked as this day approached, as to what we were planning on doing to remember this event, I couldn't help but let out a few tears every time. I didn't WANT to remember this day. I felt like if we had a bbq or a party that we would be celebrating this day. This is not a day I wanted to celebrate nor remember. I just kept telling everyone we would go with the flow. I couldn't think about it or I would completely break down in tears. Well July 4th came, and I won't lie, it was hard.

On July 4th, most people celebrate Independence Day. As we did partake in the festivities, we took time out to remember this angel. After Madden passed, we decided that we would wait to get a headstone until his 1 year birthday. So about 7 weeks prior we made arrangements with the headstone company to have it completed by/before July 4th. Picking out a headstone for our son was difficult. No one should ever have to go through that. They have a book of all these precious little pictures and layouts etc. I couldn't look through it. We already knew what we wanted on it, and what we wanted to say. I think it turned out so amazing. After a year of no headstone and just a sign that says "Kristopher Kelly", it feels so good to finally have a headstone for our little guy that I can decorate and put up flowers, toys, etc as I see fit.